I sit here and stare at the computer screen. Mentally composing a happy,light and maybe funny "Black Friday" post. But that is only a diversion from the thoughts and feeling that are really comsuming me today.

I glance down at the keyboard and suddenly the words on certain keys jump out at me taking on very non computer like meanings.

BACKSPACE- Too much of that in my life.

HOME- A lovely word.
A lovely place.
"I'm like a bird, I wanna fly away,I don't know where my soul is..I don't know where my home is"
I personally believe that home is a state of mind.But what if,the sign over the entrance to home reads:NO VACANCY. OCCUPIED.IN USE.
"Be it ever so humble,there's no place like home."

SHIFT- Over the past year, I have made great strides toward stepping out of the shadows in my life. Now, what about the shadows other people cast on my life. I am tired of shadows. I lie to myself, denying thoughts and feelings, never allowing them to see the light of day. I carry them around all alone. Holding them inside,until I reach the breaking point. I choke and smother them, yet, they won't die. They grow and thrive inside my shadow filled life. Maybe I need to SHIFT a little more.

PAUSE/BREAK- Right now I am pressing the PAUSE button,because I feel like:
"Spinning wheel....spinning 'round"
Running in place.
A caged hamster running around inside a wheel and going
no where fast.
I need a BREAK from:
Suspension.
Limbo.
Part Time
Sometime
Right Time
Wrong Time

DELETE- Delete my name.
Delete my lies.
Delete my shadows.
DELETE...DELETE....DELETE....DELETE.
Delete question marks. Put a period and move on.

END- End the nightmares.
End the pain.
End the emotional/mental torture.
End the game.
END...END...END....END....END.

INSERT- Truth.
Light.
Real Time.
All Time
Life.
Love.
Happiness.

Maybe this doesn't make sense. I don't know and don't f'ing care. I am screaming inside myself right now. I am so angry with myself I can hardly stand it.

I need to do some serious "onion peeling" (Colo's term that I LOVE).But I have to do so in a painfully honest manner. And I'm not there yet. I have the onion in my hand but I am still looking for the knife. Not only do I want to peel those damned onions, I want to dice the suckers!

ESCAPE- I think that sums it up very nicely.
ESCAPE...ESCAPE....ESCAPE...ESCAPE...ESCAPE..ECSAPE.

Right now, that is all I want to do. I want to run away, as fast as I can and NEVER...EVER....look back. I am reaching a place inside myself and with myself where shadows and lies will no longer be allowed. And that scares me. It really....REALLY scares me.

ENTER- THE DOOR IS WIDE OPEN.IT READS,"Enter Here". A WELCOME SIGN
GREETS YOU.
A journey begins with a single step.
WALK THROUGH IT OR CLOSE IT.


Just as I was finishing this post, I read a comment from PolarB. Is she not the greatest? One comment to a question on my Friday Five, stopped me in my tracks. My eyes welled up with tears. Cleansing tears. Tears I needed to cry.

"17-What is the most important lesson you're learned from life in the past year?

To accept all the parts of me and know that I am okay just as I am."

Still screaming in the shadows....but like the song says, " a change is gonna come..."

Looks like the Song In My Head for this Sunday just might be, Tina Turner's version of "The Bitch Is Back".

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Okay, now that Thanksgiving is over, it is back to business as usual. It's Friday and you know what that means, time for the Friday Five. As always, answer any 5 or go moonshine mad and answer them all. Ready...here we go....

1-Can you change a tire?

Yes. My Daddy required that I know how before I got my drivers license.

2-Favorite late night snack?

The Yankee.

3-Favorite mini series?

North and South: Parts 1,2 and 3.

4-How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Don't know. I always bite into it after about 5 minutes.

5-Do you like egg nog?

About as much as I like fruitcake and I HATE fruitcake.

6-Complete this sentence: All I want for Christmas is.....

The Yankee....with a big red bow around him.

7-Tell me something I don't know.

I am fluent in the "Ut" language.

8-Do you keep a diary or journal?

Yes. And I sincerely hope that my buddy Jack remembers where it is and what to do with it should I die suddenly.

9-You are struck on a deserted island with 2 other people of your choice, who would they be?

The Yankee. He is an intelligent man, not to mention all that Marine Corps training. I would be in good hands, and Travis Tritt. From what I've read he is into all of that wilderness stuff, plus he could serenade us.


10- Which blogger/bloggers make you laugh the most?

Gee, there are so many! Randy,Lucy,Topaz,Miss Lou,Fuzzy,Puppy,Scratch,Biggie T,
Chanda,Kristen,Donuts,Mr Happy, Grandma Baba,Seven Is Darker,...to name but a few.

11-Are you afraid of the dark?

No. I am afraid of what's "in" the dark.

12-Which of these questions will Lucy respond to with "up the ass fairy"?

This one. Or maybe the one before this one. Who knows...just have to wait and see.

13-Favorite thing to see your significant other wear?

A come hither look and nothing else. Oh, alright...has to be Wrangler Jeans (he fills them out so nicely), leather belt with large Harley-Davidson buckle, black Harley-Davidson T-Shirt.

14-Did you/will you go shopping on Black Friday, for the day after Thanksgiving sales?

NO WAY! I will be keeping Trooper Junior while his parents shop til they drop.

15-Who was the last person you hugged on Thanksgiving?

Daddy.

16-Finish the sentence: I am so......

".....in love with you...." Let's Stay Together-Al Green

17-What is the most important lesson you're learned from life in the past year?

To dance with life instead of fighting it.

18- What would you take to be appraised by the experts on Antiques Roadshow?

A tiny,metal etched photo of a young man that looks to be an Indian, wearing a uniform, made during the Indian Wars. (an ebay auction find). And 2 books by Kipling that I found years ago at a thrift store, one is titled, "The Man Who Was" and "Plain Tales From The Hills".

19- Do you have any secret talents?

Yes, and I'm not telling what they are.

20-Favorite TV commercial jingle?

Coke-"I'd like to teach the world to sing, in perfect harmony...."

**If you are looking for another great blog to add to your favorites list, check out Lifeviews by Judy. It is great. She has a wonderful story about breakfast with Reggie Jackson. Drop in and give it a read.

LIFE VIEWS BY JUDY


Tune in next time when you might hear ^Belle^ say, "Can I get some fries with that shake...?"

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

I AM THANKFUL:

For Max Factor Pan Stick Makeup. It is the only type of foundation I have used for the past 15 years. Goes on smooth,light and flawless.

For Caller ID. Now I know when to answer the phone and when to let it ring.

For Cell phones. What did we do without them. I always try to be respectful of others in public. I turn it on silent in restaurants and at the movies.

For my coffee pot with the automatic timer and 2 hour shut off switch.No more wondering if I turned it off or not. I still remember the electric percolator my parents had.UGH.

For Thigh Highs.

For Anti Bacterial wipes. I never leave home without them. The first order of business when grabbing a buggy is to wipe the handle of that sucker down!

For my computer. I have decided my PC must be female. At least once a month it goes ballistic and gets temperamental. If you don't talk to it just right, the pointer will stick. Scream at it and it freezes up, holding you hostage. The equivalent of, "I'm going home to Mother." Do they make Midol for computers?

For the fact that George Bush can't run for president again.

For, I Love Lucy, The Andy Griffith Show,My Three Sons, The Walton's, Little House On The Prairie (although rare is the time that I watch an episode and don't cry),Designing Women, Friends and Fraser. To name a few.

For a big pot of homemade soup bubbling on the stove made from my grandmother's secret recipe.

For Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey ice cream. In moderation of course.

For rain. I always think of Sherry from the blog Raindrops Make Things Beautiful and her Mother's thoughts on rain (which is how she came by her blog title).

For handwritten letters that seem more and more rare these days. I cherish the letters and cards I have from my Mother in her own handwriting.

For smiles and laughter.

For memories.

For my record albums. Sometimes it is nice to put a LP on the stereo.The sound of the needle, the frying or static sound. I have Mama K's much used and loved stereo. Each time I play it, I can see her there in the living room, playing the Chuck Wagon Gang, The Happy Goodman's, Florida Boys, Imperials, Kingsmen, Cathedrals and others. Sometimes a song would move her so, she would, "get happy" or "in the spirit". She would pace back and forth in the living room, hands lifted up in the air singing along. When I was little I thought it was funny and would laugh while Daddy poked me trying to get me to stop.

For the large Sunday Dinners of my childhood.

For a Daddy that still pets me even though I am a grandmother.

For Bath and Body Works.

For the sun,moon and stars.

For the hands of fate that would not give up and kept putting The Yankee in my path.

For Blogstream.

For Cheesecake.

If you love cheesecake, here is a recipe that I have used for years and years. It is always a big hit at family gatherings. Especially with my son in law,Super Trooper, who has at times resorted to hiding it, or what is left of it from Princess.

Southern ^Belle^ Cheesecake

2 cups graham-cracker crumbs
1/2 cup(1 stick) butter or margarine (butter is best)
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 packages (8 ounces each) cream cheese,softened.
3 large eggs.
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
salt
1 cup sour cream.
Opt( you can also add 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon or use cimmamon graham cracker's. I omit this because I hate cinnamon.

1-Preheat over to 350. In a 13" by 9" glass or ceramic baking dish,mix crumbs,butter, (cinnamon if you wish) and 1/2 cup sugar until crumbs are evenly moist. Reserve 1 cup of crumb mixture. Press remaining mixture firmly onto bottom of dish.
2-In large bowl,with mixer on medium speed,beat cream cheese,eggs,vanilla,1/8 teaspoon of salt and remaining sugar until creamy, about 3 minutes. Add sour cream:beat 30 seconds or until blended.
3-Pour cream cheese mixture over crust and spread evenly. Bake 20 minutes.Remove cheesecake from oven:sprinkly with reserved crumb mixture.Return to oven;Bake 10 minutes longer.Turn off oven and leave cheesecake in oven for 1 hour.Remove.Cool completly on wire rack. Cover and refrigerate until well chilled,at least 3 hours or overnight.

From sea to shining sea, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Later ya'll...^Belle^

GIVING THANKS:

I'm thankful:

For wonderful parents. For the loving home and environment I grew up in. For 2 parents who loved one another and showed it.

For my baby brother, although, I'm certain there were times when he wasn't thankful for me. I was an only child for 5 1/2 years. When asked if I wanted a baby brother or sister, I answered, "No thank you. I want a puppy". Even though we fought like cats and dogs from time to time, I knew he had my back, and I had his. Shortly after getting married at the age of 19, a teenage boy made a comment that hurt my feeling. Baby Bro overheard me telling Mother and Daddy about it. The very next night at church, Baby Bro got in the young man's face and told him right in front of me, " Talk about my sister or make her cry again and I'll bust that nose for ya". He then made him apologize.

For my 2 children. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for the blessing of being a Mother.

For my grandson,Trooper Junior. What an honor it was to be there in the room when this little angel entered the world. He is the light of my life.

For my soon to arrive granddaughter. I can't wait to buy frilly dresses and dolls.

For my step grandson, Little Trooper. He is a beautiful little boy.

For my son in law, Super Trooper. As a mother, it means so very much to know that you don't have to worry about your daughter being physically or emotionally abused. To know that she is loved and honored. He is a wonderful, hands on, fully involved Father. He wears the uniform of Alabama State Trooper with honor and respect.

For finding,THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. Some people search their entire lives and never find the kind of love and bond that The Yankee and I share. Others don't even believe that it exists. But it does. If you have that kind of love in your life, never,ever take it for granted. If you don't have that kind of love in your life, don't give up hope!

For all the beautiful things in this world.

For all my wonderful friends here on Blogstream. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You cheer me up,encourage and inspire me. You have made a difference in my life.

For good music that touches the heart, mind and soul.

For each and everyday that I live. Life is a precious gift.

For living in the greatest country, The United States Of America. I am proud to be an American.

I could go on and on. I think the lyrics below says it all:

"I've a roof up above me. A good place to sleep. There's food on my table, and shoes on my feet. You gave me your love Lord, and a fine family. Thank you Lord,for your blessing on me."

A funny story about that song. There is nothing us Baptist love more than singing. Unless it is eating. Each Sunday requires a "special". A "special" is a solo from a member of the congregation. I was very close to the pastor and his family. They had 2 sons. The oldest and I went to high school together. The youngest and I bonded very quickly. They called me "sis". Youngest was a wonderful singer but always required that I sing along with him, in addition to playing the piano. One Sunday for his "special", he decided to sing, Thank You Lord, For Your Blessing On Me. I let him sing the verses and jumped in on the chorus. The very first chorus, I sang, "....there's SHOES on my table and FOOD on my feet." He totally lost it and tried to keep singing while struggling to stop the laughter. Me on the other hand, when I get tickled, it's over. I continued to play while silently laughing. Somehow we managed to finish the song. From then on, each time we would sing, Thank You Lord, he would nudge me on the arm during the chorus as a silent reminder to keep my shoes off the table and the food off of my feet.

Wishing you all a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Thumbs up or Thumbs down...? Later Ya'll...^Belle^