Might as well face it, Monday is here again! Here are a couple of things to distract and get you over the Manic Monday Blues.
First of all, there is a new blog in town. BigChris (BC), Of the blog, Mad Yankee Ranting has a brand spanking new blog called, Advice From Uncle Chris. Check it out!
ADVICE FROM UNCLE CHRISThis fun thing will wake you up AND drive you nuts!!
When all the numbered red squares are visible, try to get rid of
them as fast as you can, in numerical order.
You don't have to click them... just touch them with the cursor
GAMEDON'T MISS THIS WITH INFO ABOUT THE FEDERAL RESERVE!!
FEDERAL RESERVETechnology is great. Check this out, she says what you type.Try the foreign languages and you may get another surprise.
TEXT TO SPEECHA MOVING FLASH PRESENTATION BY A SOLDIER IN IRAQ
IF I DIE BEFORE YOU WAKEOIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN
1) PULL UP TO JIFFY LUBE WHEN THE MILEAGE REACHES 3000 MILES SINCE THE
LAST OIL CHANGE.
2) DRINK A CUP OF COFFEE. (or Hot Cocoa)
3) 15 MINUTES LATER, WRITE A CHECK AND LEAVE WITH A PROPERLY MAINTAINED
VEHICLE.
MONEY SPENT:
OIL CHANGE $20.00
COFFEE $1.00
TOTAL $21.00
OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN
1) WAIT UNTIL SATURDAY, DRIVE TO AUTO PARTS STORE AND BUY A CASE OF OIL,
FILTER, KITTY LITTER, HAND CLEANER AND A SCENTED TREE, WRITE A CHECK
FOR
$50.00.
2) STOP BY 7/11 AND BUY A CASE OF BEER, WRITE A CHECK FOR $20, DRIVE
HOME.
3) OPEN A BEER AND DRINK IT.
4) JACK CAR UP. SPEND 30 MINUTES LOOKING FOR JACK STANDS.
5) FIND JACK STANDS UNDER KID'S PEDAL CAR.
6) IN FRUSTRATION, OPEN ANOTHER BEER AND DRINK IT.
7) PLACE DRAIN PAN UNDER ENGINE.
8) LOOK FOR 9/16 BOX END WRENCH.
9) GIVE UP AND USE CRESCENT WRENCH.
10) UNSCREW DRAIN PLUG.
11) DROP DRAIN PLUG IN PAN OF HOT OIL: SPLASH HOT OIL ON YOU IN PROCESS.
CUSS.
12) CRAWL OUT FROM UNDER CAR TO WIPE HOT OIL OFF OF FACE AND ARMS.
THROW KITTY LITTER ON SPILLED OIL.
13) HAVE ANOTHER BEER WHILE WATCHING OIL DRAIN.
14) SPEND 30 MINUTES LOOKING FOR OIL FILTER WRENCH.
15) GIVE UP; CRAWL UNDER CAR AND HAMMER A SCREWDRIVER THROUGH OIL FILTER
AND TWIST OFF
16) CRAWL OUT FROM UNDER CAR WITH DRIPPING OIL FILTER SPLASHING OIL
EVERYWHERE FROM HOLES. CLEVERLY HIDE OLD OIL FILTER AMONG TRASH IN
TRASH
CAN TO AVOID ENVIRONMENTAL PENALTIES.
17) DRINK A BEER.
18) INSTALL NEW OIL FILTER MAKING SURE TO APPLY A THIN COAT OF OIL TO
GASKET SURFACE.
19) DUMP FIRST QUART OF FRESH OIL INTO ENGINE.
20) REMEMBER DRAIN PLUG FROM STEP 11.
21) FRANTICALLY SEARCH FOR DRAIN PLUG IN DRAIN PAN.
22) GET DRAIN PLUG BACK IN WITH ONLY A MINOR SPILL.
23) DRINK BEER.
24) CONSIDER FIRST QUART OF FRESH OIL NOW ON FLOOR.
25) THROW KITTY LITTER ON OIL SPILL.
26) DRINK BEER.
27) CRAWL UNDER CAR GETTING KITTY LITTER INTO EYES. WIPE EYES WITH OILY
RAG USED TO CLEAN DRAIN PLUG. SLIP WITH STUPID CRESCENT WRENCH
TIGHTENING
DRAIN PLUG AND BANG KNUCKLES ON FRAME REMOVING ANY EXCESS SKIN
BETWEEN
KNUCKLES AND FRAME.
28) BEGIN CUSSING FIT.
29) THROW STUPID CRESCENT WRENCH.
30) CUSS FOR ADDITIONAL 5 MINUTES BECAUSE WRENCH HIT BOWLING TROPHY.
31) DRINK BEER.
32) CLEAN UP HANDS AND BANDAGE AS REQUIRED TO STOP BLOOD FLOW.
33) BEER.
34) DUMP IN FIVE FRESH QUARTS OF OIL.
35) BEER.
36) LOWER CAR FROM JACK STANDS.
37) MOVE CAR BACK TO APPLY MORE KITTY LITTER TO FRESH OIL SPILLED DURING
ANY MISSED STEPS.
38) BEER.
39) TEST DRIVE CAR.
40) GET PULLED OVER: ARRESTED FOR DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE.
41) CAR GETS IMPOUNDED.
42) CALL LOVING WIFE, MAKE BAIL.
43) 12 HOURS LATER, GET CAR FROM IMPOUND YARD.
MONEY SPENT:
PARTS $50.00
DUI $2500.00
IMPOUND FEE $75.00
BAIL $1500.00
BEER $20.00
TOTAL -- $4,145.00
BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT!
SEND THIS TO WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH......
AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.
Later Ya'll...^Belle^
).
