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INSIDE THE FLAME


 My Lover, My Lover, My Tree.....?
 

So, while browing around online earlier, I came across a most unusual sex survey. Don't ask me how, because I will only lie and that will make both of us uncomfortable.

It had the usual questions and some unusual ones. For instance:

Have you ever had sex IN a tree?

Do whut?!

How do you have sex IN a tree?

What kind of tree would you have sex in?

How do you keep from falling out?

I can see sex UNDER a tree....or beside a tree...but...IN a tree...?

Wait....it gets better. Check out the question that followed:

Have you ever had sex WITH a tree?

(Clutches heart) Elizabeth....I'm coming to join you....just as soon as I get my pecker out of this tree!(Just a thought, but could that why slang for penis is "pecker"...)

How would you ever go about having sex WITH a tree? Look for a knothole.... or exposed limb....rub against the bark? Bet that would leave a doozie of a mark!

Question: Hey, is that rug burn?
Response: No, bark burn.

Just the thought got my mind working overtime.

HUBBY: Honey, sit down. I have something to tell you.

WIFE: What is it dear. You look so serious.

HUBBY: This is serious. Very serious.

WIFE: You are scaring me.

HUBBY: Oh, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

WIFE: (Begins to cry) Don't tell me there is someone else?

HUBBY: I'm sorry.

WIFE: You bastard!

HUBBY: I'm sorry. It was just one of those things.

WIFE: Is she pretty?

HUBBY: Beautiful. Long limbs and the nest!

WIFE: I can't believe this!

HUBBY: I didn't mean for it to, it just happened. I tried to resist, but there she was everyday, wiggling her bush at me.

WIFE: Why....? Why...? What does she have that I don't?

HUBBY: Well, she's tall, hard body....what can I say?

WIFE: How long has this been going on?

HUBBY: Since spring. I saw her all decked out and couldn't get those perky little pink buds off my mind.

WIFE: How often do you see her?

HUBBY: Everyday.

WIFE: Is she nearby?

HUBBY: Very close.

WIFE: How close?

HUBBY: The backyard.

WIFE: What?! You brought that tramp to our home?

HUBBY: No. She lives in the backyard.

WIFE: Huh..?

HUBBY: Honey, look out the window. See the DogWood tree?

WIFE: Yes.

HUBBY: That's her.

WIFE: (laughing)

HUBBY: What is so funny?

WIFE: Well, I hate to tell you this, but, it's not a "she", it's a "he" and his name is Frank.

HUBBY: What...?!

WIFE: That's right. Frank and I have been lovers for over 2 years. He gives me everything you can't.

HUBBY: How so...?

WIFE: Well, I never have to wait until the ballgame is over, and his wood is always ready,willing and able. And, I always get mine!

So, anyone (except Randy) out there have any ideas about sex in or with a tree? Get Mr Happy on the phone will ya.

GEEZ.....!!! I don't think I'll ever look at a tree in the same way!

Later Ya'll...^Belle^
Posted by ^BELLE^ at 1:22 AM - 15 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Isn't It Romantic
 

By romantic standards, it wasn't. No candle light. Romantic music playing in the background was replaced by the Nascar race on television. At any given time there were 50 or more people milling around what can only be described as a casual hang out for locals and weary travelers passing through on the interstate. When you are separated from the one you love by over 100 miles,this half way point between me in extreme East Alabama and The Yankee in the West is a nice spot to "eyeball" one another.

Sunday afternoon found us stealing some time together, "...to watch the race...." he said. Frankly, I didn't give a flip about the race. The season is winding down and since my driver, Dale Jr isn't in the running for the cup, I can take it or leave it. What I did give a flip about was spending time with my favorite Yankee.

Sitting side by side in the booth, facing the television and sipping coffee, he remarked that it wasn't exactly the most romantic setting in the world.

I thought about all the couples I know,most of whom you could put in the most romantic setting you could imagine, and it would be anything but romantic.

Romance is about the people involved, not the setting. Some of the most romantic times have been with him in a Waffle House, or on 18 wheels flying down the interstate.

Many the time he has swept me off my feet while chatting on line via IM, or on the phone.

Romance is the way he always reaches for my hand, in public, or alone. Or, going into a store for some drinks and coming back with a single, long stemmed, red rose.

Romance is being alone, even in a crowd, or the way he will lean over and kiss me for no other reason than he wanted to.

The light in his eyes.
The beating of his heart next to mine.
The touch of his hand.
The emotion of his kiss.
The love we share.

Isn't it romantic....?

Yes.



Later Ya'll...^Belle^
Posted by ^BELLE^ at 8:41 PM - 17 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 FRIDAY FIVE WITH AN AZRON TWIST
 

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It's Friday and you know what that means. Time for the Friday Five, this week with an Azron twist. As always, answer any 5 or go possum huntin' on Saturday night silly and answer them all. The questions might seem a little out there this week so please forgive me. I have a candy corn buzz like you wouldn't believe! Ready....have at it.....

1-A line from one of your most favorite love songs?

YOU ARE, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, YOU ARE THE REASON I'M ALIVE.

2-Love is....

HIM KILLING THE SPIDER ON DEMAND, EVEN THOUGH HE WOULD RATHER TAKE IT OUTSIDE AND SET IT FREE.

3-Have you ever been dumped?

NO. WAIT...I'LL HAVE TO AMEND THAT....YES, FOR 2 YEARS, 1 MONTH AND 19 DAYS.

4-Who do you look up to?

PEOPLE TALLER THAN ME.

5-What would an ideal 24 hours consist of?

ME AND THE YANKEE ALONE.....NO PHONES....NO CLOCKS.

6-Did you dress up on Halloween?

Yes, I WENT AS THE WICKED BITCH OF THE SOUTH...OR...AS SOME FOLKS MIGHT SAY.....MYSELF. WAS GOING TO GO AS A BUTTPLUG, BUT WAS AFRAID I MIGHT RUN INTO RANDY IN THE SAME COSTUME....

7-What is your favorite day of the week?

ANY DAY THAT I WAKE UP IN THE YANKEE'S ARMS.

8-Do you run?

WITH THESE KNOCKERS.....YOU MUST BE KIDDING!

9- Name something that tastes better covered in chocolate? (COVER YOUR EYES FOR THIS ANSWER POLARB)

I WOULD SAY,THE YANKEE....BUT HE TASTES PRETTY DARN GOOD PLAIN.SPRINKLES MIGHT BE A GOOD TOUCH...NO NEED FOR NUTS THOUGH...GOT THOSE COVERED.....OOPS....SORRY....THE CANDY CORN MADE ME DO IT!

10-What is one name you are really thankful is NOT what your parents decided to name you?

FART BLOSSOM

11- Name something you are likely to have more than one of in your car.

FLASHLIGHTS.

12-Name something someone can do upon first meeting you that will make you want to NOT get to know them.

EAT A BOOGER.

13-Name something you would make for someone you were dating as a sign of your feelings for them.

A MIXED CD OR NAKED PICTURES.....lol

14- Name something that is almost guaranteed to keep you from sleeping at night?

THE YANKEE'S NAKED BODY NEXT TO MINE.HOW CAN YOU SLEEP WHEN HEAVEN'S JUST A SIN AWAY!

15-Name something you never want to do in front of a crowded room full of people.

BREAK WIND. NOT A PROBLEM SINCE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SOUTHERN WOMEN DON'T DO SUCH A THING!

16-I like AZRON because....

HE IS A CLASSY GENTLEMAN.

17-AZRON makes me...

SEE THE BIG PICTURE.

18-AZRON has....

3 VERY AWESOME BLOGS!

19-AZRON is...

A VERY KIND MAN,WITH VERY GOOD ADVICE.

20-My personal message to AZRON is....

THANKS FOR YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM.

LATER YA'LL...^Belle^

Posted by ^BELLE^ at 1:37 AM - 16 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 WHAT I REMEMBER MOST
 

I remember alot of things. Here are just a few that I remember most.
**************
I remember hearing his voice for the very first time over a CB radio in the pouring rain. Even then it was comforting and soothing. Of course, late at night, on the interstate and all you can see is the lights of a big ol' 18 wheeler ahead of you....I would have been glad to talk to Freddy Kruger!
********************
I remember watching him pull his semi into the parking lot on May 17,1995. Holding my breath, waiting for him to get out. Curious about this man that I always ran into in the rain.

I remember watching him walk across the parking lot toward me and Bev.

I remember the way my heart started pounding and the way she grabbed my arm and said in a most excited manner: Oh, he's very handsome.

I remember that he had a very determined yet casual walk...think Richard Gere in the final scenes of An Officer and A Gentleman.

I remember how nervous I got the closer he came to us.

I remember that I wanted him the first time I saw him.

****************

I remember sitting across the table from him on June 4,1995. Bev and her friend excused themselves leaving us alone.

I remember the way his eyes burned into mine, looking beyond what the eye can see and finding something else....maybe something he didn't expect.

I remember him reaching across the table, taking my wrist in his hands....(maybe to verify what he thought he saw and sensed).

I remember how my insides jumped and the chill bumps that ran all over me at his touch.

I remember thinking we would be lovers and shivered at the thought.

I remember the first kiss. ***(THOUGHT ABOUT AND ANTICIPATED!)

*** How do you freakin' like that? Here is a Southern Belle, in the Heart Of Dixie, waiting for a Yankee....a DAMN YANKEE to kiss her...!! Speaking just for myself....it was worth the wait!

*******************

I remember riding with him many nights to ATL underneath the stars.

I remember Mississippi.

I remember the drive to Mississippi and what I was and was NOT wearing the second trip.

I remember 7 hour stretches.

I remember falling asleep in his arms.

I remember watching him nap one afternoon in Ocean Springs,Mississippi, as memories of him making love to me the night before ran though my mind.

I remember thinking that I was content and there was no where else on the face of the earth that I would rather be, than right here, watching him sleep.

I remember his voice, when I stray too far away during my sleep and the way his arms pull me back to where I belong.

************************

I remember getting up from the booth after dinner one night and going over to his side, sliding underneath his arm, my head on his shoulder because I couldn't stand for one more second not feeling him next to me.

I remember the way he kissed me on the head and said: You're my girl.

I remember the way the waitress and other diners looked at us lost in a world of our own.

I remember looking at another couple who had just finished dinner, but hadn't said one word to each other the whole time. She looked down at her plate or around the room, while he looked out the window and at the television.

I remember thinking that was so very sad.

*************************

I remember his touch that reassures me during a nightmare that I am safe.

I remember, "Jay Leno".....

I remember him greeting me one morning at his house with a tender kiss,followed by a cup of fresh coffee, and more kisses. Believe me...the best part of waking up is NOT Folger's in your cup...it is a semi dressed Yankee giving you some "sugar".....

I remember his touch waking me in the morning.

I remember the way he looked at me the very first time I called him something other than "Sarge".....LOL

I remember the way he inhales deeply and the look on his face, when all I can say over and over is his name.

********************

I remember the look in his eyes, the very first time he saw my tattoo, the way he touched it lovingly and rubbed his finger over it.

I remember the pleased look in his eyes when I wear something that doesn't hide the tattoo.

I remember the way just a look from him can make me tingle.

I remember how we can't keep our hands off one another. How he holds my hand when we are going somewhere, the way he opens doors and places his hand in the small of my back directing me through a crowd.

********************

I remember how he pulled over on the exit ramp just last Friday night to give me several passionate kisses.

*******************

I remember sharing, "my mountain", with him one Sunday afternoon.

What I remember most is how from the time I was a little girl, Mama K would talk about finding, "The One"....my soul mate. I wouldn't have to wonder, when I found "The One", I would know.Something inside would tell me.

It took a while for it to dawn on me that the voice in my head, the night we first met, that kept repeting, "That's him....that's him", wasn't refering to this random voice on a CB radio..but to "The One" that Mama K always talked about.

What do you remember most...?

Later Ya'll...^Belle^
Posted by ^BELLE^ at 2:25 AM - 7 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 NEWS YOU CAN USE or WASTE NOT,WANT NOT
 

Is it Monday again?

I'm always looking for ways to save money and make the most of things I have around the house. Some of the household hints below I have used for years, others are brand new.

Also below you can find a few recipes for homemade body scrubs and facial masks. I indulged last year and purchased a jar of Body Sugar Scrub, it was wonderful, although I almost choked on the price! Used the last of it a couple of weeks ago, and starting thinking that I could make it at home. I did and it is WONDERFUL...so give it a try!

******************

NEWSPAPER


Prepare a garden. In the fall, mow a patch of lawn to make room for a dedicated bed. Cover it with four layers of newspaper, then a four-inch layer of shredded leaves or bark mulch. Hose it down. Come spring, the compost blanket will have smothered the grass roots, and the bed will be primed for planting.

Keep the refrigerator vegetable drawer dry and free of smells. Line the bottom with newspaper.

Preserve antique glass. Some older frames have finishes on the glass that can be damaged by cleaning solutions. Remove smudges by rubbing with newspaper dipped in a solution of one part white vinegar and one part warm water. Let air-dry.
*************************

Use Coffee Filters to:

Diffuse the flash on a camera. When you’re taking a close-up, soften the brightness by placing a coffee filter over the flash.
Clean windows and glass when you’re out of paper towels. Coffee filters leave no lint or other residue.

CLEAN CD'S AND DVD'S. Make sure to swipe in a straight line from the inside out.

***************************
USES FOR COFFEE GROUNDS:

Deodorizer. Dry them out on a cookie sheet and then put them in a bowl in your refrigerator or freezer, or rub them on your hands to get rid of food prep smells.

Plant food. Plants such as rosebushes, azaleas, rhododendrons, evergreen and camellias that prefer acidic soils will appreciate the leftovers from your morning cup. Also, grounds can add nutrients to your compost bin.

Insect repellant. Sprinkle old grounds around places you don’t want ants, or on the ant piles themselves. The little buggers will move on or stay away. Used grounds are also said to repel snails and slugs.

Dye. By steeping grounds in hot water, you can make brown dye for fabric, paper and even Easter eggs.

Furniture scratch cover-up. Steep grounds and apply a bit of the liquid to furniture scratches with a Q-tip.

Cleaning product. As they’re slightly abrasive, grounds can be used as a scouring agent for greasy and grimy stain-resistant objects.

Kitty repellent. To keep kitty from using the garden as her personal powder room, sprinkle grounds mixed with orange peels around your plants.

Flea dip. Follow up Fido’s shampoo with a coffee ground rub down, working them down to his skin. Not only are the fleas suppose to vamoose, but puppy’s hair will feel soft too.

Dust inhibitor. Before you clean out the fireplace, toss wet coffee grounds over the ashes to keep the ash dust under control.

*********************
Use Olive Oil to:

. Shave. Olive oil can provide a closer shave when used in place of shaving cream.

Shine stainless steel. Many cleaning standbys, such as ammonia, can dull and even corrode chrome and stainless steel. Olive oil, however, is a safe and effective shining agent.

Remove eye makeup. Dab a little under the eyes and rinse off with a washcloth.

Prevent wax from sticking to a candle holder. Rub a thin coat on the base of the holder before inserting a candle. Dripped wax should peel away easily.

Care for your pet. Add 1/8 to 1/4 teaspoon to your cat’s food to help prevent hair balls.

Moisturize cuticles. Apply a small amount of olive oil to the nail beds.

Treat dry skin. Rub a thin layer over the skin after a shower or a waxing.

Unstick a zipper. Using a Q-tip, apply a drop to lubricate the teeth. (Avoid touching the fabric.) The zipper should move up and down freely.

Dust wooden furniture. Apply a bit of oil to a cloth and wipe.

Silence squeaky doors. Lubricate hinges by applying a small dab to a cloth, then wiping the top of the hinges so that the oil runs down the sides.
**********************

Use Dryer Sheets to:

Freshen smelly shoes. Insert a dryer sheet into the offending pair and let sit overnight.

Remove static from clothing, hair, TV screens, and computer monitors. Wipe the surface with a sheet. . Clean pet hair from the floor or furniture. Rub a dryer sheet over the spot where Fluffy left her fur.

Replace a sachet. Keep a dresser drawer smelling fresh and clean by placing a dryer sheet on the bottom of it.

Loosen caked-on food from a pan. Place a fresh sheet in the bottom of a dirty pan, fill with lukewarm tap water, and let sit in the sink overnight. The pan will be easier to clean in the morning.


Tackle suitcase and gym-bag odors. Place a dryer sheet in your suitcase or gym bag so your clean clothes won’t take on the odors of the dirty ones.

Prevent old books from smelling musty when in storage. Stick a dryer sheet between the pages of your beloved copy of Pride and Prejudice.


Wipe up sawdust after working in the garage. Rub a dryer sheet over the fine wood particles.

Prevent thread from tangling when sewing. Run a threaded needle through a dryer sheet right before you begin your handiwork.

Dust venetian blinds. Close the blinds, then wipe up and down with a dryer sheet.
******************
Use Baking Soda to:

Exfoliate skin. Wash your face, then apply a soft paste made of three parts baking soda and one part water. Massage gently with a circular motion, avoiding the eye area; rinse clean.

Erase crayon, pencil, ink, and furniture scuffs from painted surfaces. Sprinkle soda on a damp sponge, rub clean, and rinse.

Unclog a drain. Pour 1/2 to 1 cup of baking soda down the drain, then slowly pour 1/2 to 1 cup of white vinegar after it. Let sit for five minutes (covered, if possible). Follow with a gallon of boiling water.

Remove tough stains from enameled cast iron and stainless steel. Scrub enameled cast iron with a soft nylon brush and a thick paste of baking soda and water. Clean stainless steel with a soft cloth and 4 tablespoons of baking soda dissolved in 1 quart of water. Wipe dry with a clean cloth.


Scrub pans. Sprinkle soda on crusted casseroles and roasting pans and let sit for five minutes. Lightly scrub and rinse.

Brush teeth. Use a paste of baking soda and water.

Fight class-B fires (flammable liquids, such as gasoline, oil, and grease). Baking soda can be used to smother only a small flame.

Deodorize. Dust baking soda under your arms to absorb body odor.

Clean up minor oil and grease spills on a garage floor or driveway.

Sprinkle baking soda on the spot and scrub with a wet brush.

Settle a stomach during occasional indigestion. Stir 1/2 teaspoon of baking soda into 1/2 cup of water and drink for a safe and effective antacid.

***********************
USE VINEGAR TO:

Kill weeds between cracks in paving stones and sidewalks. Fill a spray bottle with straight vinegar and spray multiple times. (Be careful not to get any on the surrounding grass, as it will kill that too.)

*****************
VELCRO

Keep track of the remote. Use Velcro to attach the remote to the side of the TV when it’s not in use.


Remove pills from sweaters. Use the hook side of Velcro to pull off pesky balls.


. Restrain wayward cords. Keep them in one place with a strip of Velcro.

Keep a pen or paper handy. Place a small piece of Velcro next to a desk calendar and on a pen so you can jot down to-dos ASAP. In the car, stick a notepad to the dashboard or the door of the glove compartment and you’ll always have paper for a brilliant thought or a last-minute errand.

Picnic in peace. Keep a tablecloth from flying away by applying Velcro to the underside of the cloth and to the picnic table.

*********************

USES FOR PEROXIDE

Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle) and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I bathe ) No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without expensive pastes use it instead of mouthwash.

Let your toothbrushes soak in a cup of peroxide to keep them free of germs.

Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or spray it on the counters.

After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to kill salmonella and other bacteria.


Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes several times a day.

Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like bleach or most other disinfectants will.

Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture whenever you have a cold, plugged sinus. It will bubble and help to kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then blow your nose into tissue.

If you have a terrible toothache and can not get to a dentist right away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.

And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the 50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You will not have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages, but more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, faddish, or dirty blonde. It also lightens gradually so it's not a drastic change.

You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with cold water. Repeat if necessary.

I use peroxide to clean my mirrors with, there is no smearing, which is why I love it so much for this.
**************************

HOMEMADE BODY SCRUBS

Basic Homemade Exfoliant

1 cup raw sugar
1/2 cup olive oil
Mix sugar and oil together to make a paste. Using your hands, a loofah or washcloth, gently rub mixture into skin, then rinse.

************************

Brown Sugar Body Scrub
--Use instead of salt scrubs, which can be drying or irritating to the skin if it is dry and/or sensitive.

Materials:

2 cups brown sugar
1 cup honey
3 Tbs. lemon juice
2 tsp. ginger

Steps:

Grate fresh ginger, or use the powdered variety if fresh is not available.

Take into the shower with you and apply handfuls at a time to polish the skin.
* Note: Should keep for several days in the refrigerator in a closed plastic container.

************************

Anti-Aging Face Mask

1/4 cup heavy whipping cream
1 med. banana - peeled
1 vitamin E capsule

-Mash together cream and banana.
-Stir in contents of capsule.
-Smooth onto face and neck.
-Leave on for 10-15 minutes.
-Wipe off with damp cloth.

Notes: Look younger instantly!
***************************
Biscuits like McDonald's®
Quick and easy, makes great breakfast sandwiches
and goes perfect with sausage gravy.

Prep. Time: 0:30
Serves: 6-8

1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
3 Tbls. powdered milk
1 Tbls. granulated sugar
2 1/2 tsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. salt
2 dashes cream of tartar
1/4 cup butter-flavored shortening
2/3 cups buttermilk
1/4 cup melted margarine - divided



-Stir together flour, powdered milk, sugar, baking powder, salt, and cream of tartar in a medium bowl.
-Cut shortening into dry mixture until blended thoroughly.
-Stir in buttermilk and 2 Tbls. melted margarine until well blended.
-On a floured surface, knead dough for 1 minute, or until elastic.
-Roll out dough to 1/2" - 3/4" thick; using a wide glass or round cookie cutter, cut out circles; place biscuits on an ungreased cookie sheet.
-Bake in a 450 degree oven for 10-12 minutes, until golden

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Posted by ^BELLE^ at 12:13 PM - 18 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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  About Me
Author: ^BELLE^
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