IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR TROUBLE

YOU CAME TO THE RIGHT PLACE

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR TROUBLE

JUST LOOK RIGHT IN MY FACE

I WAS BORN STANDING UP

AND,TALKING BACK

MY DADDY WAS A GREEN EYED, MOUNTAIN, JACK

'CAUSE I'M EVIL, SO DON'T YOU MESS AROUND WITH ME,

I'M EVIL, MY MIDDLE NAME IS MISERY....

**I LOVE that song by Elvis. Along those same lines, how evil are you.....?

Later Ya'll...

It's Friday and you know what that means. Time for the Friday Five. This week, with a dirty secrets twist. Come on, I know you have secrets, so spill them here. As always, answer any 5 or go chitty chitty bang bang bonkers and answer them all. Ready....have at it...

1-What's under your bed?

SEVERAL BOOKS OF EROTICA. SHHHHH.....DON'T TELL.

2-What's on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet?

LONG,BLACK WIG.

3-What's in your underwear drawer?

LOVE LETTERS

4-What's in the trunk of your car?

A MANUSCRIPT.

5-What's in your desk or locker?

JOURNALS.

6-Do you have a super-secret hiding place and what's in it?

YES. NUDE PICTURES.

7-Do you feel guilty about something right now, if yes what?

YES. I'M BAPTIST AND SOUTHERN, WE ALWAYS FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SOMETHING. IT INVOLVES I-20 AND ALTOIDS AND THAT IS ALL I WILL SAY. ON SECOND THOUGHT, NO, I DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT AT ALL.SO THERE!

8-What is the most embarrassing thing in your room right now?

"RICHARD"

9-Have you done something recently you hope no one finds out about?

YES. SEE QUESTION NUMBER 7.

10-What is your last thought before you fall asleep?

THE YANKEE

11-How long have those leftovers been in the fridge?

3 days.

12-If I confiscated your computer and took a look around....what would I find?

JOURNALS,POETRY,PHOTOS,SHORT STORIES,LETTERS NEVER SENT.

13-Do you sleep with anything?

YES. 2 BODY PILLOWS AND THE RAT PACK.

14-What is your midnight snack weakness?

THE YANKEE

15-Have you ever you shop lifted?

NO.

16-Have you ever vandalized anything?

NO.

17-Ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

DANCED.....NO.

18-What do you wait until no one is looking to do?

PULL "PANNIES" OUT OF MY CRACK....

19-Have you ever exposed yourself in an automobile?

YES.

20-Have you told the truth?

NO. THE TRUTH IS, I HAVE SHOPLIFTED. I SWIPED SOME BUTTPLUGS FROM RANDY.....SORRY.....

Later Ya'll...

Things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving but arent

"Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."

"How many are coming?"

"Just lay back and take it easy--I'll do the rest."

"Are you ready for seconds yet?"

"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"

"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."

"How long will it take after you stick it in?"

"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

"Are you going to come again next time?"

"It's a little dry. Do you still want to eat it?"

"Just wait your turn. You'll get some!"

"Don't play with your meat!"

"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"

"You still have a little bit on your chin."

"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"

"Just reach in and grab the giblets."

"Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

"I am in the mood for a little dark meat."

"Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

"Talk about a HUGE breast!"

"And he forces his way into the end zone!"

"She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."

"It's cool whip time!"

"If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"

"It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Hard to believe that Thanksgiving will be here in a couple of days. Where has the year gone?

Anyway, thought it would be fun to see what your Thanksgiving will be like.

1-Where will you be eating this Thanksgiving?

DADDY'S.

2-Will you be watching a game this Thanksgiving?

NO.

3-How long will you spend eating your thanksgiving meal?

ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO OF CASUAL EATING, FOLLOWED BY CHATTING AND CATCHING UP. THIS YEAR I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL GRANDDAUGHTER TO SHOW OFF!

4-Are you worried about putting on weight this Thanksgiving?

YES, BECAUSE I HAVE SPENT MOST OF THE YEAR TRYING TO TAKE IT OFF.

5-What do you normally eat at Thanksgiving?

DADDY WILL DEEP FRY A TURKEY ( SO GOOD.....WHILE MY STEP BROTHER IN LAW AND I FIGHT OVER THE CRISPY SKIN),HAM, DRESSING, SWEET POTOTOES (YUCK),POTATO SALAD, ROLLS, CORNBREAD,GREENBEANS,ALL KINDS OF PIES AND CAKES, AND DADDY'S HOMEMADE FROM SCRATCH BANANA PUDDING....

6-What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?

I LOVE THE TURKEY!

7-What will you be thankful for this Thanksgiving?

FOR ALL THE BLESSING IN MY LIFE.

8-What is your best Thanksgiving memory?

MY DAUGHTER'S FIRST THANKSGIVING AT 2 MONTHS OLD. SHE WAS MY PARENTS FIRST GRANDCHILD AND THEY BEAMED WITH PRIDE THE WHOLE DAY.

9-Do you give cards or presents at Thanksgiving?

NO...WHO DOES THAT?

10-Are you planning on going shopping the day after Thanksgiving?

NO...NO...NO....NO....NOT EVEN IF MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT!

11-Will you be waking up early to hit the sales?

READ THE ABOVE ANSWER.

QUOTES AND ONE LINERS:

Quotes and One-Liners

Don't put people down unless it's on your prayer list.

Love is the only thing that can be divided, without being diminished.

Harsh words break no bones, but they do break hearts.

We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for.

Happiness is enhanced by others but does not depend upon others.

You are richer today if you have laughed, given, or forgiven.

When God ordains, He sustains.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

I have just returned from over 31 hours in ELMO HELL!

From 8:15 AM yesterday morning, until 1:30 PM, and then again from 3:20 PM until 8:00 PM, the ELMO GOES TO THE POTTY dvd played in the living room!

Trooper Junior LOVES all things Elmo. As soon wakes up every morning or from a nap, the first order of business after changing his diaper, as he scoops up his stuffed Elmo, is: "Watch Elmo".

Of course he doesn't sit there and watch it all day long, it just has to be playing.

I know more about muppets going to the potty than I ever cared to know. Just in case you are interested, Elmo calls his bathroom experiences, "Pee-pee and poo". Over the weekend, I learned about 20 other terms.

They talk about going to the potty, and sing about going to the potty. One is a real, bluesy go to the potty tune, sang to baby Elmo by his Daddy.

Another song is to the tune of, "Let's Fall In Love" (Birds do it....bees do it...even educated fleas do it...let's do it....lets fall in love) Just insert, "let's do it....let's use the potty"

Late yesterday afternoon with Elmo Goes To The Potty playing for the 15th time, Trooper Junior decides that ALL of his Elmos need to go to the potty.

He rounds them up (all 6 of them) and heads to the bathroom, screaming, "Me-Ma.....Me-Ma....Elmo go potty.....", then proceeds to hand a big stuffed Elmo to me.

Now, I may have to endure hour upon hour of Elmo dvd's, but I be good and dammed if I will hold one over the potty to take a squirt,pretend or otherwise.

"Elmo doesn't have to potty", I told the 2 year old Elmo fanatic, and was met with a big sad face, looking down to the floor.

"Okay....okay...." (holding Elmo over the potty)

"Good job", says Trooper Junior, praising Elmo and clapping, then hands me some tissue.

SORRY, but wiping a muppet's furry red butt is where Me-Ma draws the line, so a diversion was in order.

"You wanna call Mama?" I asked.

"Call Mama....call Mama...." He shouted, promptly forgetting about Elmo.

His parents FINALLY arrived back home this afternoon, and the first thing I see is Super Trooper, stepping out of the truck with ANOTHER stuffed Elmo!

"I'm going home", I said kissing both the "Grands" and hugging my daughter then racing for my car, dog tired,sick of Elmo while the potty song plays over and over inside my head.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^