***Since Christmas parades are getting in full swing, I decided to repost this little gem from last year.
****Names have not been changed to protect the goofy!
I have been house bound all week. Seems last Friday while baby sitting Trooper Junior, he dispensed more than just kisses and hugs. I have a dreadful cold. Or perhaps,last Saturday night/Sunday's party was not the brightest of ideas. Most of the week has been spent on the sofa. Freezing one moment, burning up the next. I woke up this morning feeling some better and realized that I needed a few things from town.
My son in law, Super Trooper was good enough to loan me his truck while he repairs my car. For the first time in days I get out of my comfy sweats and put on real clothes for a trip to town. I don't know that it can really qualify as a "town", depends on your idea of town I suppose. You've all heard of one red light towns, well, this one doesn't even have a red light. We have a police force of 2. One of those is part time and the other is the Chief. The biggest news was the addition of a supermarket about 2 years ago, and last year, our very own Dollar General, my destination earlier today.
I needed to replenish my supply of tissues, cold meds, juice and whatever else caught my eye. After spending a few minutes on the stream playing catch up, I hit the open road in Super Troopers small Ford pickup. In hindsight, when given the choice between the pickup and a 5 speed red Mustang, I wish I had picked the Mustang.
As I approach "town" from the back roads, the first thing that seems odd is the number of people milling around. Getting closer, they are everywhere. Ding...ding....something clicks in my mind. Earlier I was over at Puppy's blog and she mentioned going to a Christmas parade. Let's see, first Saturday in December equals Christmas parade. Despite being in a town sans a single red light, people from the dozen or so different communities surrounding here will attend, in addition to those some from nearby Georgia. And when I say "nearby" I mean, 3 miles down the road.
I check my watch, I have about 30 minutes to get to Dollar General, pick up what I need and get back here. The parking lot is full, which is rare, even on a Saturday. I fly through the store gathering what I need, get to the check out where a new cashier is being trained. I finally make it out with 5 minutes to spare.
People are blocking the exit to the main road, but I think I know my way around enough to go the back way, into Georgia, then double back into Alabama via back roads.
In theory it was a good plan. I make a wrong turn and end up smack dab in the middle of the parade line up. I realize my mistake right away, but alas...there is no where to turn around.
The Chief of Police approaches the truck,smiling. He has been involved a time or two in my "Lucy moments".
"I didn't know you were in the parade?" He chuckles.
"I'm not. How do I get outta here?" I say in a panic.
"You don't. You'll just have to wait until you hit main street and turn off safely down one of the side roads."
Wonderful! The high school band is in front of me, horses and floats behind me.UGH!The sun is shining big and bright and the heavy shirt I am wearing makes it imperative to roll down the window.
After 10 minutes, here we go, pulling out onto main street. Thank goodness for sunglasses. I slump down into the seat. At least I am not in my car, perhaps no one will notice me. By my estimation,it is about 1/2 a mile to the point where I can turn off. Doesn't sound far, but add going about 2 miles or less an hour and it is an eternity!
On Main street now and from the crowd, over the band playing "Jingle Bells", I hear someone call my name. Oh, this just keeps getting better and better! I pretend not to notice. The voice grows louder and more insistent.
"Hey....you....in the red truck......!!!!"
I recognize the voice as the Chief's brother that I used to attend church with and glance over.
"Give me some candy." He yells. In front of and behind me candy is being tossed in all directions.
"I don't have any candy."
"Then what ya doin' in the parade?"
"Do I look like I am SUPPOSED to be here?" I ask.
People all around are waving and screaming for candy. I throw up a hand and sink down lower in the seat while mentally running down the contents in my purse. I know I have 1 sucker, some gum and a tin of Altoids. I could throw out the sucker I suppose, but decided against it. I don't want to be responsible for the melee that would occur as folks fight over it. Looking around the cab of the truck, I take note of Super Trooper's roll of Hall's Lemon and Honey cough drops, but decided against tossing those out the window.
Again I hear my name called. Glancing over I see my Aunt and Uncle.
"What are you supposed to be?" My uncle shouts.
"An un invited guest" I reply.
"Where's your decorations?" My Aunt says laughing. I shrug my shoulders. The parade has now stopped.
"How in the world did you end up in the parade?" She shouts coming closer to the truck.
"Just one of those things. Had I known I would be taking part in the parade, I might have put on my Santa hat. But here I am, no candy, no tinsel, no decorations or anything."
I feel like a bastard at a family reunion!
She laughs while backing away as the parade starts once more. I do notice an old green tree shaped air freshener in the console and hang it on the rear view mirror. Hey...it's better than nothing!
I finally sit up in the seat deciding to make the best of a bad situation. Might as well have some fun. No doubt this will join all my other "Lucy" (as in Ricardo) moments. I hold up my hand and do the Miss America wave, while "Sweet Home Alabama" blares from the radio.For a moment I thought about the whistle in my purse. I could dig it out and join in with the merry making. I decided against it. Bad enough that I am smack dab in the middle of a parade without candy or decorations, what kind of natural born fool would I look like sitting in the cab of this truck doing the Miss America wave and blowing a red,plastic whistle?
People are waving back and screaming for candy. Getting in the spirit now I dig around in my purse for the lone sucker lost in the bottom. Finally able to put my hand on it as I reach the road when I will turn off and make my exit from the Christmas Parade. I pull it up from the bottomless pit that is my purse, and see a little boy held in his Mother's arms reaching out for candy. I hold the sucker out the window,and notice just as he is reaching for it that this sucker has been sucked and re wrapped. I quickly pull it out of reach.
"I'm sorry. That one was used." I mutter while the Mommy gives me a strange look. Suddenly the half pack of cough drops are looking good.
"How about some cough drops?" I ask as she turns away from the crazy lady in the Ford truck. Just then I happen to think about a box of chocolate covered cherries I bought at Dollar General. Quickly I dig around in the yellow bag and hand them to the lady. She snatches them from me without making eye contact.
"Merry Christmas", I say.
Once on the back roads, I realize, this is one I am not familiar with, so I just play it by ear. A person could get lost for days on these roads. I didn't think about it, just followed my instincts and ended up in Georgia.
Now I am back at home and the whole thing seems surreal in a way.Back in my soft,comfy sweats, headed to the sofa for a long winters nap. Too much adventure for one day!
And I heard her exclaim as she drove out of sight......
"how the hell did I end up in this parade....
have a cough drop and please don't fight..."
Later Ya'll...^Belle^
