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INSIDE THE FLAME


 MANY A TEAR HAS TO FALL or REBIRTH OF ^BELLE^
 



I remember a conversation with my daughter one rainy December night. Her 17 year old heart had been broken. At the time she couldn't see that there would ever come a time when she would smile or laugh again. All she could see ahead was tears and sorrow.

I didn't like the young man to begin with, and liked him even less now that he had hurt my child, but, I tried to keep my personal feelings out of it.

I told her what a special thing love was when you shared it with someone. Though, it is not always returned. Not in the way you give it at least.

I've heard many people say over the years, that one always loves more and deeper than the other.

You will always have people who will take you and your love for granted. They will tromp all over your heart and feelings without giving it a second thought. Tell you they love you to your face, but if you really want to know which direction the wind of love is blowing, sit back, STOP,LOOK AND LISTEN to what the actions say.

Are you "Unforgettable", or FORGETTABLE?

Are you a part of their life at ALL times, or just SOMETIMES?

Are they constant and consistent with their love, or on and off like a light switch when it suits them...here today....gone tomorrow....back the next day...oops.. Here comes the weekend....talk to you again on Monday.....WHAT DO THOSE ACTIONS SAY....?

Do they say, "I love you"....? Do they say, Trust, lean on, run to, confide in me....? How can you trust something that is here day and gone the next? You can't.


You always hope to find that one person, who will treat your heart with tender loving care, who will cherish and not abuse it. Understanding what a gift it is, to be given the heart and love of another. Someone who will respect you not only when you are together, but especially when you are apart.

For a while she indulged in day dreams of revenge and ways to strike back. That might feel good for a time, but, I believe, and told her s that the best revenge would be letting it go and not giving him the satisfaction or power.

The very best revenge was in being the very best her that she could be, to go on with her life, find someone who would value her as much as they value their own selves. Find that man that is crazy, over the moon in love with you, love him right back and let the other one eat his heart out.

The best revenge will be when he realizes what and how much he has lost, knowing that he and he alone is to blame and the love he once held in the palm of his hand, now belongs to another.That kind of revenge will last a lifetime.

That was pretty good advice if I do say so myself and as it turns out, he did eat his heart out,and continues to do so. I guess, maybe it's a mother thing, but I really enjoyed updating him not very long ago. It was written all over his face...and Mama ^Belle^ enjoyed each and every minute of it.

I read something very early this morning and shared it with Colo via IM, that I want to share with you here. This is from the book by Robert Burney called:THE DANCE OF WOUNDED SOULS:

"Additionally, Love is not being a doormat. Love does not entail sacrificing your self on the altar of martyrdom - because one cannot consciously choose to sacrifice self if they have never Truly had a self that they felt was Lovable and worthy.

If we do not know how to Love our self, how to show respect and honor for our self - then we have no self to sacrifice. We are then sacrificing in order to try to prove to ourselves that we are lovable and worthy - that is not giving from the heart, that is codependently manipulative, controlling, and dishonest.

Unconditional Love is not being a self-sacrificing doormat - Unconditional Love begins with Loving self enough to protect our self from the people we Love if that is necessary. Until we start Loving, honoring, and respecting our self, we are not Truly giving - we are attempting to take self worth from others by being compliant in our behavior towards them."

As 2007 draws to an end, with 2008 right around the corner,my eye is on a future that will be very different than the one I had imagined.

This year has been a very productive one personally. I have learned so much about myself, connecting the dots and sorting though years of denial. I'm not yet, where I want to be, but I am getting there. I WILL get there.

I need time to heal my heart,mind,body and soul a soft place to fall and someone to hold me when I cry..., and like the song says, "Many a tear has to fall...but it's all in the game...."

Just like rain from the sky brings forth beauty and life, tears can do the same. Right now I may be like the DEAD rose in the photo above, but with a little rain, I will live again, and BLESSED will be the one who finds me blooming in their garden. Here is to 2008 and the rebirth of ^Belle^.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^
Posted by ^BELLE^ at 11:52 AM - 27 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 FRIDAY FIVE WITH A CHRISTMAS TWIST
 

It's Friday and you know what that means. Time for the Friday Five. This week with a Christmas Twist. As always, answer any 5 or go egg nog nutty and answer them all. Ready....Have at it....

1. How many people have you romantically kissed in the past 6 months? Who?

1/ WHO DO YOU THINK?

2-If weed was legal, would you smoke it?

NO.

3-Have you ever seen an animal give birth?

YES.

4-Favorite female character from a movie?

SCARLETT O' HARA-GONE WITH THE WIND

5-Favorite male character from a movie?

TOSS UP; SGT TOM HIGHWAY-HEARTBREAK RIDGE / BANDIT-SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT.

6-Most recent thing you bought yourself?

BOTTLE OF VENDANGE, WHITE MERLOT (FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE)

7-Most recent thing someone else bought you?

VINTAGE EARRINGS

8-Do you like to shop alone or with someone else?

ALONE

9-Favorite mall store?

BATH AND BODY WORKS

10-Name 1 resolution for 2008?

TO DANCE IN THE LIGHT (BASED ON SOMETHING COLO WROTE)

11-Something you swore you would never do, but did anyway?

BOUGHT AN ELMO'S WORLD DVD FOR MY GRANDSON. I HAD TO...TRAVIS TRITT IS IN IT!

12- Last person you hugged?

A COP.(HERE IS TIP FROM ME TO YOU. NEVER SNEAK UP ON A COP IN FULL UNIFORM...EVEN FOR A HUG....OR THE NEXT WORDS YOU HEAR COULD BE; YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN KNOCKED OUT)

13-Something soft in the room you are in right now?

WAS GONNA SAY,BUFFY, BUT LUCY AND ETHEL ARE SOFTER THAN HER.

14-Least favorite candle scent?

CINNAMON AND VANILLA

15-Last thing you baked?

PECAN PIE

16-I saw Mama kissing.....

.JOE NAMETH....

17-You know, Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen......

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW, BUBBA,COOTER AND NUB, THE REDNECK REINDEER

18-If you were a reindeer, what would your name be....

HORNY

19-All I want for Christmas is.....

A PANINI PRESS

20-I'm dreaming of .......

A MAN WHO LOVES,WANTS AND NEEDS,ME AND ONLY ME.A MAN THAT KNOWS BY WHAT HE FEELS AND WHAT WE SHARE TOGETHER, THAT I AM ENOUGH FOR HIM, JUST LIKE HE IS ENOUGH FOR ME.

DON'T FORGET TO CHECK UNDER THE TREE FOR YOUR GIFT!


LOOK UNDER THE TREE FOR YOUR GIFT!

Later Ya'll... Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Posted by ^BELLE^ at 10:52 PM - 12 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR EVERYONE
 

I've been a busy ^Belle^. Putting up my Christmas tree and shopping. Come on in, get your gift from under the tree and then tell everyone what you got.


Later Ya'll...Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Posted by ^BELLE^ at 11:32 AM - 8 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 FINISH THE SENTANCE and WHICH FINGER ARE YOU?
 

1. My nickname...... is ROCKY

2. I am listening to…....TRAVIS TRITT,SOMETHING STRONGER THAN ME

3. Maybe I should......GET DRESSED

4. I love…........THE WAY MY GRANDSON SAYS,"ME-MA".

6. I don't understand........WHY MEN HAVE NIPPLES.

7. I lost..........MY BLACK BRA.

8. People say........ALOT OF THINGS.

9. I will always be......A DADDY'S GIRL.

10. Love is... A KISS FROM MY GRANDSON

11. Yesterday I bought.........CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR MY SON, DADDY AND STEP MOTHER,AND A BOTTLE OF WINE.

12.I wish I could find.....MY CORKSCREW (see above)

13. A Christmas song that moves me is....I'LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS, AND CHRISTMAS IN DIXIE.

14. I never ever want....TO BE ON AMERICA'S MOST WANTED.

15. My cell phone is... IN THE DINING ROOM

16. When I wake up in the morning... I HAVE TO LET THE DOGS OUT

17. I get annoyed when......TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION OVER DINNER WITH 2 TABLES OF CACKLING HENS NEARBY GETTING LOUDER AND LOUDER BY THE MINUTE.

18. On New Year's Eve I will be......COVERED UP ON THE SOFA WITH A GLASS OF WINE (IF I CAN FIND THE CORKSCREW),AND A STACK OF MOVIES TO WATCH.

19. My pet is......BUFFY IS IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET,BROOKE AND BONNIE BLUE ARE ON THE SOFA AND BUBBA IS IN THE DINING ROOM.

20. Kisses are the best when....BREATH IS MINTY FRESH

21. Today I.....NEED TO CATCH UP ON THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE.

22. Tomorrow I will.......GO TO MY NIECES GRADUATION WITH DADDY (YA'LL PRAY FOR ME!)

23. I really want….........A LARGE DOUBLE PEPPERONI PIZZA.

24. I can't wait for.........COFFEE TO BE READY.

25. My friends...ARE VERY SPECIAL TO ME.

You Are a Ring Finger
You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything.
You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word.
Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world.

You get along well with: The Pinky

Stay away from: The Index Finger

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Posted by ^BELLE^ at 11:44 AM - 9 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 In Memory Of My Little Man-BO
 




In Loving Memory:

My Little Man-Bo
2001-December 18,2005

WHEN TOMORROW STARTS WITHOUT ME:

Author Unknown
When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
The sun will rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me.
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
Remembering how I'd lay my head
In your lap that special way.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me.
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name
And petted me with her hand.
She said my place was ready,
In Heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But, as I turned to heel away,
A tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I never thought
That I would have to die.
I had so much to live for,
So many sits and downs to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought about our lives together,
I know you must be sad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

Remember how I'd nudge your hand,
And poke you with my nose?
The frisbee I would gladly chase,
The bad guy, I'd "bark and hold".

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for awhile,
I'd wag my tail and kiss you,
Just so I could see you smile.

But, then I fully realized,
That this could never be;
For emptiness and memories
Will take the place of me.
And when I thought of treats and toys,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
My dog-heart filled with sorrow.

But then I walked through Heaven's gate,
And felt so much at home;
As God looked down and smiled at me,
From His beautiful golden throne.
He said, "This is eternity,
And now we welcome you,
Today your life on earth is past,
But here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last;
For you see, each days's the same day,
There's no longing for the past.
Now you have been so faithful,
So trusting, loyal and true;
Though there were times you did things,
You knew you shouldn't do.

But good dogs are forgiven,
And now at last you're free;
So won't you sit here by my side,
And wait right here with me?"
So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I'm right there, in your heart.



I look to the left and outside the window is your grave. To the right, the empty chair where you always sat while I was on the computer.

In the closet are Christmas presents that you never got to enjoy. I can't stand to throw them away or let the other dogs play with them.

On the desk, are several photos, one with you wearing the little sweater I bought you. The same one I placed inside with you.

Not one day has passed that I don't think about,long for and miss you.

I want, so very much to go back to that day as they ripped you from my arms at the hospital, wrapped up in your favorite fluffy cover...I want to scream at the nurse:

WAIT....WAIT....!!

I would rush over, rub your velvet soft little head, kiss you, tell you that I loved you.

Instead, the last image I have of you alive, is the scared, pleading look on your face as the door closed.

Golden Memories
They say memories are golden, well, maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.
A million times I've missed you. A million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place no one else could fill.
If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane.
I'd walk the path to Heaven and bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us back one by one, the chain will link again.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^
Posted by ^BELLE^ at 11:02 PM - 13 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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  About Me
Author: ^BELLE^
From "SWEET HOME ALABAMA", USA
 
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