People that know me, know that things have a tendancy to happen around and to me. I'm talking, Lucy Ricardo, like things. In fact sometime ago a friend dubbed these incidents, "Lucy Moments".
Some "Lucy Moments", I've blogged about in the past:
*Being "kidnapped", or was it "carjacked", by a teddy bear.
*Going to the store for cold medicine and ending up IN the Christmas Parade.
*Standing at the end of my driveway with a hairdryer while pretending it was a radar gun to try and get our resident speeder to slow down.
*Flinging rocks and giving the finger to an airplane that had buzzed the house for a week.
*Dancing or "busting a move", in the mall for my grandson and being caught by an "old flame", who then proceeded to ask what time the next floor show would begin.
Lucy Moments You Don't Know:
THE BOOKSTORE
I had just got off work one night, and drove across the street to the bookstore. I was looking for 2 particular books, "suggested" reading from a certain person.
Having been directed to the correct section, I stood looking there browsing. This creepy guy who looked like Larry Flint, joined me, pulling a book from the shelf and pretending to flip through it.
He then made a very lewd and suggestive remark, and despite the fact that I was in a public place, my heart began to pound. I glanced around and spotted one of my customers, who had dropped a lot of money in my store hours earlier.
Jake, was not one to be messed with....He owned a local gym just down the street, was big and muscle bound.
I looked Larry Flint directly in the eye and said:
"You see that man over there? Well, he is my husband, and he will bend you in half for just breathing the same air as me."
Larry Flint, sneered.
"Yeah...right"
He didn't believe me. Okay, guess I would just have to show him.
Still holding a book, I marched right over to where Jake stood totally engrossed in whatever he was looking at. I came up on him so fast he didn't have time to react. I grabbed his arm and began babbling:
"Listen, Jake, don't say anything, just stand here and act like we are together.....See that man over there, he just made a pass at me and said something really nasty. I told him you were my husband."
Larry Flint continues to look in our direction.
"Is that a fact...?" Said Jake, adding, "...well....let's have a little fun with the boy...."
Jake put his arm in a protective manner around me, staring Larry Flint straight in the eyes while holding up a clenched fist.
Larry Flint moved to another section of the store.
Jake, ever the gentleman, suggested we have a cup of coffee in the bookstore, and wait until Larry Flint left. Which he finally did. Jake walked outside just behind him, watched him get into his truck and finally leave.
THE UMBRELLA
Was going out to eat at this great Mexican restaurant in Carrollton with a bunch of friends. It was a Friday night and the placed was PACKED.
Just a few days before, I had a medical proceedure done on my left breast, it was still bandaged, swollen and sore!
There was at least 20 people waiting in a small area to be seated. Among them a rowdy bunch of guys in front of us, playing and horsing around....as a result, one of them bumped into me, causing me to clutch my boob.
The ring leader of our bunch, a tall, half Italian, born and raised in the Bronx, tapped the boob smasher on the shoulder, telling him that he has just bumped into me, and would he please be careful. Boob smasher, said he was sorry and didn't mean to....Less than 5 minutes later, he did it again.
Ring leader once again taps boob smasher on the shoulder, going all NYC on him.
"Wha's da matta wit youse?"
Boob Smasher decides he doesn't like, not only Ring Leader's tone, but his accent, and doesn't mind saying so....
"Why don't yew go back up North with all the other Yankees."
To which Ring Leader replies:
"Why don't we's step outside?"
So Ring Leader, tells me and the other ladies to wait there, he is going to, "take out da trash", and will return shortly.
Boob Smasher and his bunch followed.
So, me and the girls are standing inside, and me, never one to watch from the sidelines, decided to join them out by the dumpsters.
I am holding my large umbrella, and it looks to me like things are about to start rocking and rolling. Before I know it, I am holding my left boob with one hand and smashing my umbrella down on top of Boob Smasher's head with the other.
Little did I know by that time, not one blow had been passed (until I arrived that is), and the group had agreed they didn't really want to fight, and certainly didn't want to go to jail, so they would just shake hands and go back inside.
I imagine Boob Smasher had quite a knot on his head. Ring Leader, hoping to keep me from being arrested for assault with a deadly umbrella, bought Boob Smasher and his group, not only a round of drinks, but dinner as well.
Ring Leader's final remark to me that night, after all was said and done was:
"Those boobs of yours sure do get me into a lot of trouble.Not to mention costing me over a hundred bucks tonight!"
Later Ya'll...^Belle^
