Over the past week, I have spent hours....and I do mean...HOURS in front of this computer screen digging into the past. Not a past that belongs to someone else, but, MY past.

Being adopted, MY family tree, was in essence, erased. My name was added to the family trees of my parents.

Last year, I started doing Daddy's family tree, and with the assistance of 2 new found cousins, we have been able to trace his branch back to a man born in 1723 in Germany, who arrived in America at 5 years of age and settled in Pennsylvania. His family tree has German, Irish and Scottish branches. One ancestor, fought under George Washington.


I remember a discussion in elementary school about heritage. One by one my classmates, shared their family stories, what country their ancestors came from,how they came to America,etc. I sat there dreading the moment my name would be called. At last, when it was my turn, I read the info provided by my parents. My cousin, never one to pass up an opportunity to point out that I didn't share their blood line, piped up from the back, "YOU are ADOPTED, so, that really doesn't count."

I always wanted to be Irish. It might have started with "Uncle Dan" who always told me I looked Irish and would then burst into, "When Irish Eyes Are Smiling". From then on, anytime the question of heritage came up, I would announce that I was Irish. But, in the back of my mind, the question marks remained.

Don't get me wrong, it makes me very proud when looking at Daddy's family tree. But, that is just it.....HIS family tree. It's sort of like looking at a tree in another persons yard. You can appreciate and admire it, but, it's not yours.

On a whim last week, I decided to try and fill in another family tree. MY family tree. I entered in all the names I knew, which amounted to 8 names. Pouring through old records, using the names I did have, their year and place of birth, I was able to add more....and then more names.

A tree, MY tree, began to take shape. As I looked at the long list of names, a thought occurred, these are MY people. This, is MINE. Before long, MY tree was growing by leaps and bounds. Thanks to work from other family tree researchers, I was able to connect into many other trees, and using info they had, fill out the branches of my tree.

There were a few surprises. Among them.....not one Irish person. On my biological grandfather's side, everyone comes from England and Wales, and has been traced back to a man born in 1230. The exception, one (many) great grandfather, who was born and raised in East India. Both of his parents, were born in England. At 18, the record shows a marriage. The woman doesn't have a name, but only this: "EAST INDIA NATIVE,NEW DELHI INDIA". She died soon after giving birth, and the family moved to America, settling in Plymouth, where he remarried. Again, his wife doesn't have a name, it says: AMERICAN INDIAN. His son, followed suit, and his wife is listed as: NATIVE AMERICAN-NONE (I guess, meaning, no name). I also found 1 German ancestor in the lot.

Yet another branch of MY family tree, revealed a very interesting name, one that you can read about in history books: EDWARD DOTY, , passenger on the Mayflower and signer of the Mayflower Compact, who landed with the other Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock, Massachusetts on December 21, 1620.

MY family tree is loaded with Yankees (no surprise) who lived in Massachusetts,Maine, New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania, and not one Irishman among them.

It is quite possible that I could still find the Irish in MY family tree. Perhaps on my biological father's side. Hard to trace when it only says, UNKNOWN.

Oh well, in the meantime, I continue to look for the Irish.

***You would be amazed at what you can discover about your roots on Ancestry.com. They offer a free 14 day trial, so you have nothing to lose. If you decide to continue after the 14 days, you can pay, monthly, 2 times a year, or yearly.



Later Ya'll...^Belle^

It's Friday and you know what that means. Time for the Friday Five. This week with a Middle Name Twist. As always, answer any 5 or go nucking futs and answer them all. Ready...have at it.

1-Do you delete email after you read it?

MOST OF THE TIME, EXCEPT THE ONES THAT I SAVE.

2-Favorite type of apples?

GRANNY SMITH AND ROME

3-Oprah or Tyra?

OPRAH

4-What is your birthstone?

SAPPHIRE

5-Do you wear a seat belt?

YES.

6-Something you can't stand?

THE 120 MILES BETWEEN ME AND THE MAN I LOVE.

7-What holiday should exist, but doesn't?

NATIONAL PMS DAY

8-Someone wealthy offers you half a million dollars for a one night stand....There is no way your partner will ever know......Would you do it?

NO. BECAUSE, NUMBER 1....I CAN'T BE BOUGHT...AND NUMBER 2....I WOULD KNOW.

9-Last thing you bought for yourself?

A NEW PURSE....(AS IF I REALLY NEEDED ONE....)

10-Do you believe in sex without emotional attachment?

MAY WORK FOR OTHERS...NOT FOR ME..

11-If you could buy any company you wanted, what would it be?

EBAY!

12-Last song you listened to?

SOMEBODY'S NEEDING SOMEBODY BY CONWAY TWITTY

13-If you were up for sale, your ad description would say.....

YOU CAN'T AFFORD ME.

14-Do you think with more passion or logic?

A MIX OF BOTH WITH PASSION EDGING OUT LOGIC.

15-Do you carry a beverage with you in the car/truck, if so what?

YES. IF I AM GOING SOMEWHERE IN THE MORNING, COFFEE..ANY OTHER TIME, WATER OR DIET COKE.

THE RULES ARE SIMPLE. ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS, USING THE FIRST INITIAL OF YOUR MIDDLE NAME.

16-Movie?

RAMBO

17-Something in the kitchen?

RUBBER GLOVES

18-Something in the bedroom?

"RICHARD"

19-Famous artist/band/musician?

REO SPEEDWAGON

20-City?

RANBURNE...

Later Ya'll...

I started working last week on my family tree....Meaning, my Daddy's family tree....Is it my faimly tree also...? With the help of 2 cousins I met last year online, using info they had, as well as info that I have, Daddy's faimly has been traced back to his first ancestor that arrived in the United States in 1723 from Germany.

Looking at all the names and dates, I decided to do my biological family tree, which turns out to be nothing more than a twig.

I signed up for a 14 day free trial on Ancestry.com ( a wonderful site), and was able to add the names of my great grandparents on my biological tree.

Some intersting things came to light as I looked at over 100 year old census reports. It seems the women on the maternial side, have a thing for not just older, but MUCH older men.

It starts with my great grandmother, who at the age of 12 married a 30 year old man! Looking at that, I was in shock, and honestly, it made me sick! Years later my grandmother 33, would marry her 3ed husband, my grandfather who was 62. Then we have the birth mother, she was 14 and married a 33 year old man! Keeping the ball rolling, I was 19 and married a man 15 1/2 years older. My daughter's husband is 9 years older than her. What do you make of that...?

Doing the biological family tree is what finally prompted me to sign up on the registry site. Since then, info, most of it incorrect (as it pretains to me) has been pouring in from nameless, faceless people.

I don't have to explain anything to these people about how I feel,they know, because they are walking the same road I travel.

As I said in the last post, several leads, look very good, very promising, everything seems to fit. For those of you wondering, No, I haven't made the call,but I do have a middle person, who has agreed to be the buffer and make the call for me, and to this person, this "Angel", I am grateful.

I dare not allow myself to believe that it will be her and that finally she will come out of the shadows. The possibility of actually hearing her voice, of maybe, being face to face with her, stirs inside me.

I'm not angry or bitter because she gave me up for adoption, just the opposite. I am THANKFUL. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God above for MY parents.

When I was growing up, once people found out that I was adopted, there were always questions about my "real" Mother. I know who my "real" Mother is. She is the woman who loved and raised me. The woman who took care of me when I was sick. The woman who loved me enough, to correct and punish me when it was needed.

I didn't grow inside my "real" Mother's body, I don't share her DNA, nor do I have a biological link.

There are SPERM DONORS, and then, there are DADDIES. Men who know that it takes more to be a FATHER than sperm and passing along genes.

It isn't a biological link that makes a parent. It is their HEART and all the love they are WILLING to share.

So, if it turns out, this woman isn't my biological mother, yes, I will be disappointed, but lucky for me, I am not a stranger to disappointment. At least, I do have names and dates, which is a lot more than most people on the registry site. At least, I have met actual blood relatives, and I do have 1 photo of her.

If it is her....well...I don't really let myself go there too much...but, if it is, questions could finally be answered. I would be open to having a relationship with her if she wanted, but I will NEVER call her Mother,Mom...etc. To do so would be an insult to MY MOTHER.

I still remember the look in Daddy's eyes in 1986 as we were leaving for Rockford, Ill, to visit the man she married at 14...the man I thought at the time was my biological father. Mother and Daddy had both been very supportive during my search. He said all the right things...still...there was something in his eyes....

I jumped out of the car and rushed over to where he stood by Mother and told him:

"I'm not going there to find my Daddy. I know where he is, I am looking at him right now. I am going to find answers."

One thing I do know, things will happen according to God's will,and I can't change that. I just have to trust that He knows best.

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

Had a very nice day Saturday up on Cheaha with a some friends. It was cold,cloudy and wet from time to time,but all in all,a very nice day for a KFC picnic.

I hoped the fog that has settled inside my brain would lift with a trip to the highest point in Alabama. It did.

I returned home put on a pot of coffee and decided to jump online and check emails. My inbox was full of responses from something I had posted on an adoptee site late Friday night.

Long story short......It is quite possible, that I have at this moment, the address and phone number of my birth mother!

In one way it is exciting. In another scary.

Finally, after all of these years, I may at last be holding a connection to the woman that gave birth to me, then gave me away..........WOW...

Many questions could finally be answered. I could actually HEAR the voice of this woman who has been something of a mystery. Someone I don't know, yet, someone that I have always felt and sensed in a strange and very abstract way. She was always there lurking around in the shadows.

Initially, she didn't have a name. But I found not only that, but bits and pieces of her life came together with names and dates. In the 80's, we even managed to find some cousins, and 1 sent me a photograph of the young woman. I almost fainted when I saw it.....At last...to look at someone who looked like me!

So, now, hours later, after having this info presented to me by a nameless,faceless angel out there somewhere.....I don't mind telling you.....I'm scared!

Someone, using the info that I posted, matched up her name and date of birth, that somehow produced 5 digits of a social security number, and from there, came up with a name,address and phone number. The first and middle name fits...the age fits....even the city she (if it is her) is now living in fits.....!!!! What do I do?!!!!!

During the initial search in the 80's, it was the father of my children that took charge, and, for that I was glad. Taking charge by talking to people, asking questions, while I....sat in the car and cried. Cried because I was scared of what or who I might find. Scared that I would be rejected again....scared to get my hopes up....just scared.

I remember standing in the foyer one spring day as he talked to the warden of Julia Tutwiler Prison behind heavy glass doors, while she stood, arms folded in front of her, shaking her head, NO...NO...NO... back and forth.

The receptionist, upon hearing that I was born there, offered me a tissue, patted me on the back and said, "Welcome back"....! Was she kidding me!

Already, I know the phone number and address by heart. It would be very easy to dial the number and ask a few questions.....But I'm scared.....!!!

What if it isn't her.......???

What if it is....?????



For many years, I have practiced what I would say to her....and now...when it comes down to it...I don't know if I can or if I even want to.


What if I make the call and it's her....What does that mean?

What if I don't make the call and it's her.....

What if I do make the call and it's not her....

Later Ya'll...^Belle^

It's Friday and you know what that means. Time for the Friday Five. This week with a Telephone Twist. As always answer any 5 or go Little Latin Lupe Lu loopy and answer them all. Ready...Have at it....

1-Would you rather live....Cabin in the mountains or Mansion on a hill?

CABIN IN THE MOUNTAINS (IN FACT, I HAVE ONE PICKED OUT....YOU CAN SEE IT OVER AT BRY M'S BLOG ON HIS NEW BACKGROUND)

2. Something that most people don't know about you?

I AM ADOPTED AND WAS BORN IN JULIA TUTWILER PRISON FOR WOMEN

3-Do you clip/use coupons?

YES/YES

4. Are you a collector? Is there any one item that would complete (or be the highlight of) your collection?

I COLLECT SO MANY THINGS....BUT ON THE SHORT LIST OF THINGS I WANT FOR CERTAIN COLLECTIONS....AN ANTIQUE CAMPHOR GLASS RING (FOR MY VINTAGE/ANTIQUE JEWELRY COLLECTION), ANY HAND CRAFTED JEWELRY MADE BY KIT CARSON, OH YEAH AND A GUCCI PURSE.

5. Would you rather drink Coca-cola out of a Waterford goblet or Dom Perignon Champagne out of a paper cup?

COKE OUT OF WATERFORD

6. What is your idea of a perfect breakfast? Would you be the one cooking or being served?

BREAKFAST IN BED AFTER A LONG NIGHT OF YANKEE "injections"/ MIX IT UP AND TAKE TURNS

7. If you were eligible to win an award, which award would mean the most for you to receive?

MOTHER OF THE YEAR...(SOMEWHERE MY DAUGHTER IS LAUGHING)

8. What weapon/s suit your personality, habits and abilities

BRAINS AND BOOBS.(OH, RELAX......I ONLY USE MY BOOBS AS A WEAPON ON THE YANKEE....AND...I DON'T WANT TO BRAG...BUT THEY WORK EVERY TIME....)

9. Who made you laugh this week?

A "HAIRY"/"HARRY" CONVERSATION WITH POLARB VIA BLOGSTREAM .

10.Any plans for Saturday?

CHEAHA!

11. If your life story would be produced on Broadway, what type of play would it be? What would be its title?

COULD BE A COMEDY:YA'LL AIN'T GONNA BELIEVE THIS!

OR...A LOVE STORY: WHEN HARRY (OOPS...I MEAN THE YANKEE) MET BELLE

. 12. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or after?

BEFORE...DON'T WANNA FREEZE MY HOOTIES OFF

13. Would you rather read the book or see the movie?

READ THE BOOK THEN SEE THE MOVIE.

14. Anything you need to get off your chest?

YEAH...THIS BRA!

15-Would you rather be ignored or insulted?

I'M NOT CRAZY ABOUT EITHER, BUT I CAN STAND AN INSULT BETTER THAN BEING IGNORED. WANNA GET MY BLOOMERS IN A BUNCH...JUST IGNORE ME!

16-Who do you talk to most on the phone?

G-DAWG AND MY DAUGHTER

17- Ever pretend you have to take another call to get off the phone?

SOMETIMES, ESPECIALLY WHEN BEV GETS ON A ROLL. TROUBLE IS....SHE HAS VERY KEEN HEARING...THUS...IF SHE DOESN'T HEAR A CALL WAITING BEEP, WILL GET SUSPICIOUS...THEREFORE....I GRAB MY CELL PHONE...DIAL MY HOME NUMBER AND WAIT FOR THE BEEP.

18-Last person to say, "I love you" on the phone?

THE YANKEE

19-Do you have any telephone pet peeves?

YES! PEOPLE BLABBING ON THEM IN RESTAURANTS. A QUIET CONVERSATION, IS OKAY...BUT SOME PEOPLE SEEM LIKE THEY ARE TALKING FOR THE BENEFIT OF OTHERS AND THAT TICKS ME OFF

20-Cell phones can take photos,surf the internet, send and receive emails....what is next?

I DON'T KNOW...PROBABLY ONE THAT WILL DOUBLE AS A REMOTE FOR THE TV FOR GUYS, AND ONE THAT DOUBLES AS A "BATTERY OPERATED" DEVICE FOR WOMEN...

Later Ya'll...