In 1999, I was hired as assistant manager of a new clothing store that opened in the mall. After 3 long months of being away from home, living in a hotel room during training, plus helping set up 2 stores,including ours, I was getting into the groove of my new job.
In addition to being assistant manager, I had recently been named, accessory manger, in charge of checking in, processing and displaying all of the accessories. Working with jewelry, handbags,scarves, body lotions,etc...was right up my alley and I had a flair for it.
Once I had been sent to Calhoun, Georgia for 3 days to prepare and help with inventory. When I arrived back at my home store, the stock room was full of accessories that hadn't been processed by my helper. At closing time, I had checked in, processed and displayed, 9 plastic totes of accessories all alone. My helper who had been working the register that night, and was a tad dramatic, gave me a bear hug.
The next week our DM dropped by the store, needing "hands", to help prep the Bessemer store which was due to open the following week. I hadn't had a day off in a while because on the days I wasn't working at my home base, I was "floating". That means going to other stores.
The accessory department hadn't been set up, and she needed me there for 2 days to get a good head start on it. I loved a challenge, so agreed to go.
I arrived in Bessemer the next morning. Walking into the stock room, I was shocked by all the accessories. Two helpers were assigned to me. I looked over the space allowed on the wall and shelves, and decided that if we really humped, it could be totally finished by 7 or 8.
Helper number 1, about 26 years old, was slow as molasses, the voice of doom and gloom would insist over and over it couldn't be done.
Helper number 2, was 20, full of pep and energy. Ready to dive in and attack.
The plan, as I laid it out to them, was to open all the totes and separate things. That took about 4 hours. The next stage was to move everything to the sales floor. Helper number 1 kept insisting:
"No way all of this is going to fit."
She was more hindrance than help and I finally sent her to "help", someone else, leaving me and helper number 2.
3 1/2 hours later, it was finished. Helper number 2 was so excited and proud. With a great sense of accomplishment, I left the store, meeting the DM in the parking lot.
"Calling it a night?" She teased.
"No. We're finished." I said walking to my car.
"Finished for the day you mean."
"No. Finished period." I stated.
"All the accessories....?"
"Finished."
She didn't believe it and drug me back inside with her. Standing in front of the wall, helper number 2 could not contain her excitement and pride. After receiving praise for a job well done, I was walking toward the door when I heard my DM on the phone with someone,bragging that the accessory wall was finished.
Once inside my car, I sat there for a while, exhausted but revived. I thought about the life I once lived, being physically,mentally,emotionally abused by a husband who wanted nothing more than to keep me prisoner. I thought of all the times he had called me names, told me how stupid I was...etc.
I looked in the car mirror, and for the first time in a long while, I didn't feel like a "Stupid,worthless, good for nothing low life bitch". I wanted to share this moment and these feelings with someone.
I decided to call Bev. She above anyone else would understand what and how I was feeling as she had been there through it all. Yet, when I called her, she lit in right away, not giving me a chance to say speak so, I didn't say anything.
I had now been sitting in the car for over 30 minutes. I needed to be over at the hotel getting ready for a special dinner date, yet, I was caught up in a feeling that had become foreign to me and wanted to absorb it. Remembering that Mother always told me: "Sometimes you have to lead your own parade and ring your own bell", I looked at my reflection in the car mirror.
"I"m proud of you", I said to my reflection, feeling a little bit silly and not really sure why I was crying.
Just then my cell phone rang. It was my friend Dave, calling to update me on his chemo treatments. Right away he caught the tone of my voice. He didn't know about all the abuse I had gone through, so, this little moment of self love, I was having he couldn't appreciate or understand as much as Bev.
"Good for you Kid. You have every right to be proud, and, for what it's worth, I'm proud of you too."
I'm not really sure why I wrote about this, wasn't my intent when I started. I guess it boils down to the way you look at things. Looking at all those totes that day, knowing what had to be done, it would have been easy to get overwhelmed and to give up before you even start, as helper number 1 did.
Sometimes the big picture is too big, so you have to break it down and take things one step at a time. The steps may seem tiny and insignificant at first, but one by one they accumulate.
I love the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR, WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT.
For too long, I gave my consent. I didn't argue with it and I didn't fight it. There was a huge mountain of fears, doubt and insecurities in front of me.
DON'T TELL GOD HOW BIG YOUR MOUNTAINS ARE
TELL THE MOUNTAINS HOW BIG YOUR GOD IS.
Later Ya'll...^Belle^
I laughed at the trooper sitting next to me.
